Get The Woman You Like

• Most women want to attract you with something besides looks. If she’s hot, every other chump has already told her that. So try to elicit her values or something personal and then reward her with a statement of interest for something besides her looks. So when she says she loves dogs, you can say “Wow, so you’re compassionate AND sexy”. However, only compliment her if you know she is already attracted to you. Any earlier will come over as needy.
• It’s ok to be nervous–try not to convey to her that you are nervous, since it will lower your status. As long as you act as if your status is high, you will be more attractive. Get comfortable enough with a little nervousness that you can push through it into a decent conversation.
• If she’s with a group of friends, engage them before you address your target. Most women will use the approval of their friends to judge you. Sometimes groups with one or two guys are easiest to approach because you can chat the guys up first, then find out how they know each other. Also, if you do not talk to the beautiful girl immediately, she will be curious as to why you “neglect” her (since her “value”/status is so high). It will seem as if you do not care about high value, only about fun conversation. This conveys to her that you must have high status, making you more attractive.

Picking Up a Woman

• If you ever end up as the third wheel out at a bar, don’t fret. This is an excellent pickup situation if the girl you’re with is willing to assist you. Girls hold each other’s opinions rather highly and she will have an easier time getting the object of your affection to come over. Some girls may view this as wimpy or a cop-out, so make sure that when you meet her, you dispel that suspicion immediately.
• Girls are almost always better at conversation than guys, but there’s the possibility that you cannot get the flow going with her. If she’s giving one word answers and there is no connection, it’s best not to pursue. Even if it is “her fault” in your mind, she doesn’t see it that way.
• Dress well, but more importantly, dress appropriately. Don’t wear your clubbing shirt to a college watering hole and don’t wear a t-shirt and sneakers to the club. However, don’t be afraid to wear a peculiar item, like a weird hat or a strange necklace. It gives women something to compliment you on, or make a remark about. If she does, it signifies interest in you.
• Read Cosmo, Vogue and Esquire magazines. Women’s opinions of things tend to be quite consistent. Look closely and you will find what to say, what not to say, what to come off as, etc. Besides bedroom recommendations, these magazines often have articles telling women what to look for in a man, and many women listen. The ideas in the articles are not necessarily true, but they provide great material to discuss with a woman. However, don’t be too serious about these subjects.
• Don’t use filler phrases! They make you sound unsure of yourself.
• • Watch Wedding Crashers for some excellent ideas. That movie is full of great pick-up ideas. It’s not recommended that you actually crash weddings though. Other movies with bar pick-ups are How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days and Lost in Translation. Don’t do exactly what they do, just observe the flow in conversation between two strangers.”I’m sorry, I couldn’t help but notice…”
  • “I was wondering…”
  • “So…”
  • “Well…”
  • “Has anyone ever told you that…”
  • “…or something like that.”
  • “…you know?”

Get The Girl

Try to come up with your own lines, because I’ve used both of those on most of the women in most of the malls in Jakarta.

• Talk about your accomplishments.

Mine include winning the Djoget Dangdut 72 jam competition at Ancol, climbing the greasy pole for independence day, and, of course, hoola-hoop dancing and playing the ukuele.

• Don’t be shy to show physical affection, before you know the girl/woman, or have even met her!

I usually employ a “power-wheel,” slap to the rump and then a bit of a squeeze. (The power-wheel was inspired by the guitar playing of Pete Townsend, lead guitarist of the rock band The Who).

• Equip your lair.

Once you’ve snared the victim, you’ll need a location to read her your poetry, and whatever else you might both cook up. I like to spray some Axe deodorant in the air, and scatter some hip records around the place. Although many of today’s twenty-somethings pretend to like new bands, deep down they’re suckers for golden oldies, like Koes Ploes, God Bless, and Rhoma Irama and Sundanese singer Darso.

• If you get slapped or rejected at first (as Achmad often has been), simply laugh loudly.

And say,

“you’ll come around in the end – they all do.”

She’ll be impressed by your courage and suavene

Not all of you can expect to achieve the nation-wide fame and sex appeal of Achmad overnight. It takes class, effort, and mastery of an elusive art such as hoola-hoop dancing or playing the Ukuele. But with dilligent study of Achmad’s timeworn techniques, most of you gentlemen can quickly become unstoppable sex magnets.

At 5 ft 1 “, 120 pounds, and staring out from big, googly, spectacles (see Avatar), I am no Brad Pitt. Why then, do so many of Indonesia’s most desirable women beg me in desperation to give them private poetry readings and share a little Achmad lovin’ ?

Here are are some of my secrets. Enjoy, my Indonesia Matters friends.

Firstly, pick your hunting ground. For up-market babes, Plaza Senayan has timeless class, but is considered a bit “basi” or past-it, by some. You can try EX at Plaza Indonesia or Plaza Semanggi.

I, however, prefer to get “close to the people,” by hanging around the crowded electronics malls in Glodok, and those bridge-type walk overs. I find they are good places to find naive village girls who don’t know my tricks.

Sometimes, my batik shirt and peci is a novelty at places like Dragonfly or Embassy. But once the girls see my dance-moves, a combination of cha-cha, break-dancing, jaipongan and dangdut, they’re goners.

Why, some of you may ask, is an exemplary Muslim like Achmad cruising for babes ? Because, Friend, in Islam we are allowed four wives. Tragically, three of my wives, Nongoh, Inem, and Wongso, couldn’t cope with the intensity of my love for the ukuele, leaving in the night. Now, I must fill the gap. Before marriage, there is pacaran.

How to Score Babes at Malls in Jakarta and Indonesia.

• Wear your best clothes and groom carefully.

Before trawling the malls, I carefully comb my moustache, liberally applying Arabian perfume oil. Then I dust off my peci and don my favourite silk batik or Safari suit. (If Safari suit, I wear a pin displaying the Garuda Pancasila).

Sometimes, if Bules are my targets (victims), I compromise and wear some Australian “board” shorts, usually Billabongs and sandal jepit, quaintly known as “thongs” Down Under.

• Prepare some pick-up lines.

My trademark line is to say, with a sly and casual wink,

“hey there, what’s cookin’, good lookin,”

to the nearest saucy filly. Another classic is,

“hey, your mother must’ve been a thief. It looks like she stole the stars out of the skies and put them in your eyes.”

Here’s asurefire technique to Approach

Here’s asurefire technique. Approach the subject from behind placing your feet firmly outside hers with your hips almost, but not quite, touching her buttocks. Place your arms around the girl’s waist, locking your hands just below her breastplate. Before she has time to object, squeeze and lift. You might not get her far off the floor, but technically that doesn’t matter. What matters most is getting that girl picked up. As you can see, the element of surprise is crucial to getting girls picked up cleanly and safely.

Next let’s discuss a frontal pickup technique. Let’s say that you’ve engaged the target girl in friendly conversation. Suppose she’s laughing at one of your jokes with her head tilted back and her eyes closed. This is the perfect opportunity. Immediately stoop down and lean forward, placing your right hand across her buttocks and your shoulder below her rib cage. Slowly bend upright, feet apart for balance. Place your free hand on her legs so as not to drop the girl on her head. This is what we call the fireman’s carry, and if you get the proper leverage, you’ll be able to pick up some very large girls with this method.

These are just three of the many techniques you can use to pick up girls. Try them out, see which ones you like best, or develop your own techniques. Use whatever is most successful for you. If you take your time and use a good approach, you’ll get those girls picked up safely and securely. Eventually, you might even want to try an advanced pickup technique like the ‘clean-n-jerk,’ which involves picking the girl up over your head.

The final thing to remember is that once you have succeeded in picking up a girl, once you have affirmed your manhood, once you have shown the girl what a mighty and important person you truly are, take a deep breath, survey all that you have accomplished, and gently put the girl down—feet first.

Perhaps you’ve seen ads in magazines like Playboy and Penthouse for books on how to pick up girls. Even if you haven’t, chances are you’ve tried to pick up a girl or two in your time, and you know what a fascinating and puzzling subject it can be. Over the years I’ve made a few observations concerning the topic, and I’ve identified some principles to help you get those girls picked up.

First of all, when picking up girls, be patient. Don’t just run up and try to pick up the first girl you see. Take your time and survey the field. Look at the potential subjects. Identify the girl you have the best chance of picking up.

The optimum girl is determined by several criteria, the first of which is size and shape. The shorter she is and the less she weighs, the better your chances of getting her picked up. Don’t try to pickup a big-boned or full-figured girl until you have lots of experience picking up girls. Somebody could get hurt.

Second, try to find a girl with a nice, accommodating personality. The last thing you need is a girl who is so opposed to being picked up that she resorts to physical violence. And don’t under any circumstance begin your conversation with something like, “Hi, I’m going to pick you up now, so hold still.”

The single most important aspect to picking up girls is the approach, for it is the approach and your resulting foot position that determines exactly how you will pick the girl up. A fundamentally sound approach makes the task before you that much easier. A poor approach and you may find yourself and the girl on the floor to your complete and utter embarrassment.

Now suppose that the girl is facing away from you talking with someone. Approach the girl quietly and place one foot at a perpendicular angle just behind hers, place your hip just behind her buttocks, and your arm across her breast. Using your leg and shoulder, not your back, lean her onto your hip, bending your other knee as you do. You should be able to completely pick her up before she knows what’s happened, and no one will get hurt. This is called the single hip pickup.

How To Get a Girl

• Be funny, and smile! This will break the ice, make you more attractive, and make her like you more as a person. If you are too nervous to think of funny stuff to say, you’re going to have a tough time pulling it off.
• If you sense that the girl is smart or witty, it can help a great deal to establish yourself as one of her kind with some offbeat comedy. In one Seinfeld episode, Jerry brags of picking up a girl with the line, “So you know I’m the one responsible for those crop circles in England.”
• Also don’t ask questions that you know the answer to. In no situation ask questions that can be answered with yes or no. Are you interested in hearing her say “yes”/”no” or interested in what’s going on in her mind? If you ask questions like these she will quickly lose interest:
  • “Are you having a good time?”
  • “So you’re hanging out with the girls tonight?”
  • “So you like dancing?
  • “So you like [whatever drink she has in her hand]?”
• You are trying to keep the conversation flowing naturally. If it starts to feel like an interview, it’s best to abort mission. Don’t ask too many questions. Instead, start a new conversational thread. You can plan ahead and make up subjects beforehand.
• Don’t be too serious. You are out at a bar. She didn’t come here to meet serious guys, she wants to have fun. In bars/clubs, serious guys stick out in a bad way. She won’t want to be seen with you.

Getting Women To Like You

• The type of questions you ask are important. The key is to be in the moment. Avoid talking about boring subjects like work, school, religion or politics if possible. If you’ve talked to her for a while, a good question is “what do you do?” It just sounds less invasive than “where do you work?” or “what do you do for a living?” Plus, what if she’s a student or unemployed? Don’t be too inquisitive about it. No one wants to talk about work details at a bar. Instead, try to find out what she likes about what she does, and how she came to do it. Entice her emotions, that’s attractive.
• Remember to stay, or at least seem, relaxed and comfortable. This can be very difficult when picking up beautiful women, but if you can hide anxiety, no one will notice it.
• Consider going to the bar with a few friends. It’s best if your group has a few females. It adds a little mystery and competition(“I wonder if he’s dating any of them?”) and shows that you are a social human being (social proof). If you have experience doing this, try going to a bar alone and making new friends (including female friends). This also adds to your social proof.
• Have a few questions and comments planned out. If you are nervous, stumbling around for what to say next can be haphazard at best. Make sure they’re good ones too. Good conversation questions are casual and cannot be answered with yes or no. Such a question will generate more material to talk about.